ALIENS POSTPONE INVASION UNTIL AFTER NOVEMBER ELECTION

(Mountain View, CA): The world has been waiting for confirmation of intelligent life other than ourselves in the universe, but we won’t have to wait much longer.  Officials from the Search for Extraterrestrial Intelligence (SETI) institute have recently made detailed contact with what is alleged to be an intelligence from beyond our solar system, and they are coming to this planet soon, but not before November 8, 2016.  According to SETI, the E.T.’s are going to wait until after the United States presidential election to invade.

“They are coming” stated Hugh Manatee of SETI, who calls the newly discovered beings the ‘visitors,’ and who was the first to discover the astonishing message from outer space. “We found the signal about two days ago, it stood out like a sore thumb compared to all the ‘noise’ we usually get.  It was a binary signal, but in a format that we were able to translate.  After just a short time we were able to understand what they were trying to communicate.  However, the message wasn’t for us but rather… about us.” 

Going further into detail Hugh described the message to be a communication between a fleet of spacecraft approaching the Earth.  This armada of ships can now be faintly seen with the unaided eye in the night sky over North America. It also seems that the aliens are discussing strategies for their ultimate goal, invasion of the planet.  However, the extraterrestrial invaders are going about the invasion in a manner that conserves energy and resources, and they are waiting to see what happens after the November 2016 United States presidential election in order to finalize their plans. ... [READ MORE]

NASA LEAK: IGNORING EVIDENCE FOR BIGFOOT ON MARS THAT DOESN’T EXIST

(ORLANDO, FL): In a startling admission, NASA scientists have disclosed that there is a secret program dedicated to completely overlook the fictional evidence that a race of human-like primates inhabit the red planet, Mars.  This baseless assumption comes at a time when both Democrats and Republicans are struggling to keep their candidates’ integrity from suffering any more in the public eye. On August 10, 2016, investigators learned of this upsetting conspiracy.  “I knew something was amiss, but I never thought they would take it to this extent.” said Andrew Corland, a North American Indigenous Primate researcher and professor at Wildman University. “Having a shadowy program dedicated to just not looking at false or misleading evidence is unheard of.” Corland continued, “Repressing factual evidence that isn’t there is what you would think that a tyrannical government would do. The worst part is the taxpayers are the ones being hurt.”

A whistleblower in the administration turned over several leaked documents to investigators, none of which implied any wrongdoing on the part of NASA or of the vast conspiracy to pay no attention to non-evidence of a Martian Sasquatch population. “The evidence just isn’t there, and that’s what’s most troubling.” Corland continued “Spending millions of dollars a year for this program is a typical example of fraud, waste and abuse.  The American people need to wake up to this mishandling of critical resources that could benefit other programs, and stop NASA from deliberately taking no notice of unsubstantiated fabrications.” ...[READ MORE]